Surprisingly Sweet

Every woman has at some point met, dated, almost married, married, and/or divorced a complete jerk. The kind of guy who is thirty pounds overweight yet winces when her size two ass bends over in front of him. It's inevitable that sometime between the sandbox and the cemetery, we've had Mr. I'm Better Than You.

That's good news for you, guys (really good), because those bad boys set the bar low (really low). All you need is the teeniest bit of sweetness to become our Sugar.

So, be surprisingly sweet*

If you've just returned from a guys weekend and you're discussing where to have dinner, and she says, "I have bad news. I don't like tacos." You say, "I have good news. I missed you this weekend."

It might just knock her pants off.

*As with the last post, don't try this too early. Make sure she's feeling you.

Make. Her. Guac.

Ok, so not every woman will be bowled over by your efforts at Mexican, especially if avocados cause hives to creep up her neck. But if it's spicy she loves, it'll melt her heart!

Thing is, it doesn't matter if she's into guacamole, sangria, cream and sugar in her coffee, or pink tube socks. Find out what she likes and incorporate it somehow.*

Say she loves kayaking - take her on an adventure date. Climb a rock wall, go hiking. Just get on the move.

She craves mint chocolate chip ice cream. Surprise her with it when you take her to an outdoor movie.

Ok, how about those pink tube socks? Buy her a pair and take her to see an 80's hair band.

Doesn't matter how small or silly the item. What matters is that you're listening. I can't guarantee happily ever after, but chances are good you'll get another date.

*One word of caution: don't try this on a first date. Wait until you've gone out a couple times and have developed a rapport. Otherwise it's not charming, it's restraining order-ish.

Bees are Attracted to Honey, Not Dickheads

His email consisted of three paragraphs. One to pad each insult.

From paragraph 1:

"You get points for being a Skins fan. But, other than a healthy interest in sports, I hope you have more to offer - I mean, I can easily enjoy sports with my buddies, but I'd like the women I date (yes, he used the plural form of woman) to have more to offer."

And paragraph 2:

"I also see you're looking for someone "outdoorsy"- what exactly is your definition? I hope you're not the type to consider "roughing it" as walking the C&O canal in running shoes while gabbing on your cell phone."

Ok, in an offer of full disclosure, he did put a :-P after that statement. But, really? :-P doesn't do much for me after a second insult.

And for his parting words:

"I'm sure your headline (phrase people see before clicking on a profile) has caused your inbox to flood with emails from pudgy, middle-aged divorcees, so I'll let you get back to reading them."

If this were the hive, he would not be banging the queen.

Sex, Love, and Guacamole

I've decided that's all a girl really needs to maintain a state of bliss. And this Cinco de Mayo, one out of three ain't bad.

Zip, Zilch, Zero.

My apologies for my lack of updates. You didn't miss much. One conversation with an old guy on the running trail, and zero with men buying mangoes.

Although the dares resulted in zippy dates, I had a fantastic time getting out of my comfort zone. Turns out, the zone is not the best place in the world to meet men. So thank you for your encouragement.

And in keeping with leaving my comfort zone, I'm off to a foreign country! I'd love to have you along for the ride, but unfortunately the country I'm visiting is one in which free speech and blogging are not looked upon kindly. I'll be back mid-April with a report on dating Communist-style!

The official Social Experiment Tally:
Blogosphere: 2
Dauntless: 2
Dates: 0

Two Weeks Notice

As you know, I've taken on two dares this week.

Therefore, - rule changer that I am - I've decided it's only fair to have two weeks to execute them (Read: they haven't gone very well in the first week).

Stay tuned...

Wild Card!

I can't choose.

I'm fairly certain I know both so-called 'anonymous' posters of the dares this week. Since choosing one over the other would make me feel mean (which is something I've given up for Lent), I'm changing up the rules! It's Wild Card week!

I'm trying them both.

Oh, and Anonymous #2, right back at ya with that dare. Come on. The readers (and the rest of our friends) would love the story!

Until Monday...

The Results Show for Dare #2

First, my apologies for the delay. It seems I need a whole weekend full of liquid courage to complete these dares.

Now, for a blow by blow of the winks:

First (nerve-wracking) wink: Stoplight. Me, left turn lane. Him, next to me in the straight lane. Me, neck swiveling, swiveling, swiveling, trying to catch his eye. Finally, green arrow. Look again. Eye contact. Aaaand, wink. Then, go, go, go! Whew. I made it. He's gone.

The next two winks were not as stressful. They were virtual. That's right, match winks. Cop out, I know, but easy. And one led to an email.

The last winks were live. In a bar, where I couldn't run away. I tried to look for what a friend deemed a certain 'winkability': A man without a ring, scanning the room, and a certain air of confidence about him. A man open to the possibility of the wink. I found four. One was the performer of the live music (cop out again). The other three were guys whose eyes I was able to catch across the room. Wink. Wink. Two of them looked away immediately. Wink. The third one seemed a little confused, then looked away. One of my girlfriends had better luck. A close range wink brought two guys right over with stars in their eyes.

Seems my friend is a much better judge of winkability. It certainly couldn't have anything to do with the winker. ;)

Blogosphere: 1 Dauntless: 1 Dates: 0

Next dare, anyone? I'll choose by Tuesday night.

Dare #2 With a Wink and a Smile

Well, well. Winking could prevent me from being seen as 'girlfriend material'? I am intrigued!

I'll be winking away all week. If you decide to play along, tell me how it goes.

Until Saturday...unless of course this winking gets me charged with solicitation!

The Results Show for Dare #1

The long of the short: Mission Not Accomplished.

Either the coffee shops in my town are super efficient, or no one is buying coffee in this economy. Not once in my six trips to four different coffee shops (and one bar thrown in for good measure) did I have a patron in line behind me. So I improvised.

At coffee house number one, I went in the evening. Paperwork in hand (to look busy while casing the place), I grabbed a table with a good view. And counted. Twenty-six women and five men. Two of the men were with women, one had a ring, and one was the most flamboyant member of a 'stitch and bitch' club. Guy number five left before a witty pick up line came to me.

At coffee house number two, I tried an early morning approach. The bell on the door announced my arrival, Washington Post under arm, head full of good thoughts. I sat and pretended to read (the front page to look smart). But alas, only they gray haired sort are relaxing in a coffee shop before 7:30am.

Coffee house visits three and five were quick early morning trips so as not to be late for work - boss wouldn't appreciate the explanation of my social experiment.

Coffee house visit number four was in the late afternoon. Three patrons, one dog, and me. The two barristas were cute though. And I did tell one of them the decaf was delicious, so you know, I definitely tried my hardest.

By the end of the week, needing a stiffer drink than a latte, I stopped at a local bar. Pulled out the paperwork again and looked around. Nada. Until an older gentleman - think salt and pepper, not cane - sat down beside me. We had a lovely conversation but he left after one drink. Struck out with an old guy. Update: I take it back. Just checked my work email and he emailed me (He could find it easily - we're in the same county-wide system) Hmmm. Weird or flattering? I'm not sure.

And today (I know, I took an extra day to hopefully have a better story for you), it was more of the same. I took a wingman, but it was no use. Too many couples. Must have something to do with the date.

Blogosphere: 1 Dauntless Dater: 0

There should be a penalty. If you think of one, let me know. In the meantime, I'll take suggestions for a hopefully more successful Dare #2. I'll choose in 48 hrs., Monday evening.

Dare #1

Well, I love all of your ideas and I thank you for going easy on me on the first dare. I plan on using all of them, but I think only one is possible this week.

The dog park is out for now - my dog is horribly aggressive (although you'd never know it by the excessive snoring that is coming from her chair right now), so it'll take her some serious time to warm up to the park. Time I plan on putting in, but not time I have this week. I'll let you know when it happens. The subway pick up is a great idea too, but I won't be riding the metro till my five days are up. Again, I'll let you know when I strike up conversation with Mr. Ipod.

That leaves latte love. I'm thinking it'll take several trips to find a cutie in line behind me. What if the one I want to hit on is sitting down with his coffee already? Can I walk up and silently hand him a pastry, or is that way too creepy? Guess I'll figure it out in the moment. I'm sure that will make for a good story.

Better run. Got to pack my lunch so I can make it to Starbucks bright and early. By the way, if you're out there reading, being all fabulously single and whatnot, why don't you play along? We can compare notes. I'll be back Friday (if not before) to let you know how it goes.

Social Experiment #1

Ok, so five of you are in. That works for me. But, any of you out there who didn't comment are more than welcome to play along at any time. Here goes nothing.

So I've been inside my own little box living life for quite some time now. Fun, sure. Exciting, no. The desire to try something new has hit me, but the kick in the ass to do so has not. That's where I need your help. Over the next month or so I'll be asking you to play a little virtual truth or dare with me, starting with the dare. I'll be looking for suggestions of ways to leave my comfort zone - more specifically (in keeping with the blog's theme) - ways to meet guys.

Without further ado, the rules: As readers, you will have 48 hours in which to leave your dare as a comment. At the end of the 48 hour period, I will choose one idea to act upon and let you know which dare I'll be performing. Then, I will have five days left in the week in which to act. Next comes the truth. On the fifth day, I will blog my successes and failures with the dare, and the whole thing will start again.

Just as a caveat, I am somewhat of a prude. I will not be choosing any dares in which I take my clothes off or perform sexual favors to get a guy's number. Think tamer than that.

And so the clock ticks. Until Sunday...

Social Experiment Anyone?

You may have noticed I haven't posted much lately - sort of been comfortable living in my own little box and not getting out in the dating world. But, as we have just entered the month of L-O-V-E, it's time for that to change. And I was hoping a little audience participation might make that happen.

I'm not going to get into the details of my little social experiment, but I will tell you that it won't survive without you (my puppeteers). Let me know through your comments if you're still out there - despite my severe lack of good dating stories - and are willing to help a sista out.

If you're all on board, I'll post my plan on Friday, Feb. 6.

The Runner

I'm not exactly forward. If I see a guy who I think is cute, my MO is to put myself in his vicinity and hope he makes a move. Not the best way to meet a guy, I'll admit, but sometimes it turns out I'm thankful for that.

The other day at the gym, I spotted a good-looking guy on the treadmill. Unfortunately, the nice new treadmill next to him was taken. I settled for an older model and began my workout. As soon as the treadmill next to him became available, I hopped off my machine and onto that one. Sweet. A good treadmill and a chance to meet this guy.

About five minutes into my run, Cute Guy tightly gripped the handles of his treadmill. Hmm. He must be getting tired. I hope he's not getting off so soon. Then he returned to pumping his arms. Oh good. He's not stopping. Three seconds later, a rotten stench filled the air. Oh, what? Eww. Dude, was that him?

I gave him the benefit of the doubt - it could have been anyone - and let my mind wander back to his calves. A few minutes later, he grasped for the handles again. And ten seconds after that, bam! Like a month old egg cracked in July.

The next time he reached for his treadmill, I frantically jammed the emergency stop button and went to lift weights next to the old guy who smelled like peaches. Mmm. Peaches.

So guys, it's ok to stop mid-run to use the bathroom. Really, please do.