Monday, April 21, 2008

The Biggest Loser...

As a tv show, it can't be beat. As a strategy for dating, it just plain sucks.

I was half-drunk (excuse) the other night after coming home from a happy hour (attempt to prove I'm not a loser) and decided to check my email. Match emailed me some good looking guys that day (stretching the truth) so I decided to click on a couple of them. I didn't know it would sign me into the website (lie). And I certainly didn't think anyone out there in cyber space would notice (wishful thinking). Somehow during my three minutes (20) online, I got the following email:

"11:00 Friday night, and we're both on something that ends with ".com". Pretty sweet."

Hey buddy, look, I know me and I'm no loser (usually). But now you think I am and you're still emailing me? You win. You're the biggest loser.

Sunday, April 06, 2008

Just a Touch of Sarcasm

Dear B-,

I really enjoyed reading your profile. I especially liked when you talked about wanting to change your outlook on 'gringas'. I think women need to be described in derogatory terms more often. Chris Matthews and David Shuster just don't do enough of it for me. Don't those feminists out there who want respect from men really irk you? They seem to be the same women who want -gasp- a female president!

You requested that only if we're fun and interesting enough to hang out with you, should we write. Well, I want to let you know that I'm fun (we'll do whatever you want to do) and interesting (I'll always agree with your point of view). Look no further B-, I'm the gringa (bitch, slut, whore) for you!


PS - I love the picture of you grabbing your balls!