Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Maybe if this was 1608

"Ok everyone. Let's go around the room and introduce ourselves." said the teacher to a roomful of adults who didn't care to know anyone else's name.

"Hi, I'm Andy Fallon."

"Hi. My name is Sheryl Logan."

We continued,

"Hi, I'm {Dauntless Dater}." (Dauntless is not very Irish sounding, but the real one is straight from the Old Country).

Introductions led to instruction and shortly, to the end of class. Now was my chance to make eye contact with the thirty-something guy whose knees were shoved next to mine under the too-short science lab table. I smiled as we stacked our chairs. That's when he asked, "So, do you speak Gaelic?"

My head tilted 45 degrees as I argued with myself as to whether or not I heard him right, "Uhhh, no."

That was it. End of conversation. What the?

Isn't that like asking an Italian if she speaks Latin?

Saturday, January 12, 2008

We Already Know You Like Sex

No need to mention it in your list of 'favorite things' on your profile. Also no need to mention that you are looking for someone else who likes sex. We know that too.

I have a little secret for you. Come in real close. Closer. Closer. That's good. Prepare yourself. This is ground-breadking stuff. Are you ready? Women like sex too!

If a woman told you she didn't like sex, all that means is that she didn't like sex with you.

Bet no chick's ever told LL Cool J she didn't like banging.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Rocket Man

At the risk of piquing on the first day of 2008, I must share this one with you.

My friend "Karen" who had this bad luck several months ago, recently met "Steve" online. They had a lot in common and decided to go out on a date.

The date went well, no real sparks, but the conversation flowed and he asked to see her again. She said 'yes'. The next day, Karen received a text message from Steve, "Good morning beautiful. Hope you have a good day."

Hmm, that's a little over the top after one date, thought Karen. But like all good daters, she was willing to let a little thing like that slide.

The next day, Karen opened her phone to find this message: "Hope you have a great day, too bad it didn’t work out. On our next date, I was planning on taking you to outer space on a rocket ship."

What. the. fuck.

Three days after that he was asking her out again.

Acting like a head case, not a good strategy.