Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Robin Givens Left for Good Reason

Lights flicker blue to green to black. Disco mirrors bounce colors around the room. The music vibrates through my chest. Ncha. Ncha. Ncha. Flashes of arms and sweaty hair flinging back and forth. Ncha. Ncha. Ncha.

Wordlessly, he slipped his hand around my waist and turned me toward him. Hot. I lifted an eyebrow, his mouth curled in a sultry grin. I could feel his breath on my cheek. Our hips swayed in harmony. He pulled me closer with each beat. Ncha. Ncha. Ncha. Mmm.

After one song turned to another and another, he pulled back, alternating his gaze between my eyes and at my mouth. Sweet. Slowly he pulled me in and softly kissed my lips. He went in again, this time leaving with...my bottom lip? What the fuck?

He pressed on, ending the third kiss with my top lip between his teeth! Oh, shit. This is some kind of sick fuck.* Thinking as quickly as possible through a fog of vodka, I searched the room for someone to save me. Eyes darting left and right behind his back, he had free rein of my ear. And took full advantage. He gnawed on that for a good few seconds until I pulled away and excused myself.

As hot as you think you are, don't treat a girl like Evander Holyfield.

*Translation: This is disgusting, but I do feel pretty irresistible.
Ladies, am I a prude or would you have been (mostly) disgusted too?

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Last Ditch Efforts...

Are worth a shot. Even if all they get is a laugh.

Setting: Dingy, smoky local bar, Saturday night, 1:50am

Them: Hey, how you ladies doing tonight?

Us: Fine thanks, how 'bout you?

Them: Great. Have a good time tonight?

Us: Yeah.

Bouncer: Alright everybody, time to go.

Them: What are your names?

Us: Dauntless and Dauntless' friend.

Them: We're Darryl and Joe.

Bouncer: Make your way to the door folks.

Us (getting off our bar stools): Well...

Them: Would you two like to continue this conversation at our place?


Them: Come on, it's still early.

Us: Mmm, no thanks.

Them: We have beer.

Us (looking at each other, grinning): No really. But thanks.

Them: We've got drugs!

Us (beer spraying from our nostrils): Now that's a good one.