Last Ditch Efforts...

Are worth a shot. Even if all they get is a laugh.

Setting: Dingy, smoky local bar, Saturday night, 1:50am

Them: Hey, how you ladies doing tonight?

Us: Fine thanks, how 'bout you?

Them: Great. Have a good time tonight?

Us: Yeah.

Bouncer: Alright everybody, time to go.

Them: What are your names?

Us: Dauntless and Dauntless' friend.

Them: We're Darryl and Joe.

Bouncer: Make your way to the door folks.

Us (getting off our bar stools): Well...

Them: Would you two like to continue this conversation at our place?

Us:

Them: Come on, it's still early.

Us: Mmm, no thanks.

Them: We have beer.

Us (looking at each other, grinning): No really. But thanks.

Them: We've got drugs!

Us (beer spraying from our nostrils): Now that's a good one.

The Biggest Loser...

As a tv show, it can't be beat. As a strategy for dating, it just plain sucks.

I was half-drunk (excuse) the other night after coming home from a happy hour (attempt to prove I'm not a loser) and decided to check my email. Match emailed me some good looking guys that day (stretching the truth) so I decided to click on a couple of them. I didn't know it would sign me into the website (lie). And I certainly didn't think anyone out there in cyber space would notice (wishful thinking). Somehow during my three minutes (20) online, I got the following email:

"11:00 Friday night, and we're both on something that ends with ".com". Pretty sweet."

Hey buddy, look, I know me and I'm no loser (usually). But now you think I am and you're still emailing me? You win. You're the biggest loser.

Just a Touch of Sarcasm

Dear B-,

I really enjoyed reading your profile. I especially liked when you talked about wanting to change your outlook on 'gringas'. I think women need to be described in derogatory terms more often. Chris Matthews and David Shuster just don't do enough of it for me. Don't those feminists out there who want respect from men really irk you? They seem to be the same women who want -gasp- a female president!

You requested that only if we're fun and interesting enough to hang out with you, should we write. Well, I want to let you know that I'm fun (we'll do whatever you want to do) and interesting (I'll always agree with your point of view). Look no further B-, I'm the gringa (bitch, slut, whore) for you!

Yours,
Dauntless

PS - I love the picture of you grabbing your balls!

Break's Over...

Back in the pool!

Springtime has showered the Nation's Capital in yellow sunshine, bright flowers, and breezy Cherry Blossoms. It's enough to make a girl feel optimistic about love. Shoot, it's made this girl dauntless about dating again. Yep, I'm re-entering the dating pool fellas. Look out.

Guys, you might want to take this opportunity to do some spring cleaning with your pick up lines. Here's what I heard just last night...

"What are you doing here?"

"What's your favorite candy?"

"What brings you here?"

"You ever heard of Manassas?"

"So, why are you here tonight?"

"I just so happen to be single."

Thankfully, I did hear this one, "I bought an extra shot. Do you want it?"

That Was Me Just Saying So.

After a few too many bad-but-not-bad-enough-to-be-blog-worthy-dates, I knew I needed a couple of weeks off. Even self-proclaimed 'dauntless daters' get sick of this shit.

The week before I made my decision to go on a break from all men, I met a guy at a bar and had planned to get a drink with him in the near future. In order to stay on the up and up with my good friend karma, I decided to be honest with this guy instead of just not returning his call.

So, I texted him (hey, I said I wanted to be honest, not that I had the biggest balls on the block). I told him that I was going to take a break from dating but that it was great to meet him.

Fifteen minutes later, my phone beeped and I had this message, "Umm...wow. I was talking about drinks not necissarily dating. And you could have just said so."

Four things:
One. You're a dick. Two. Going on a date is dating. Three. I did just say so. And four. Get spellcheck.

When you haven't even gone on a first date, you can't take the shit this personally.

Maybe if this was 1608

"Ok everyone. Let's go around the room and introduce ourselves." said the teacher to a roomful of adults who didn't care to know anyone else's name.

"Hi, I'm Andy Fallon."

"Hi. My name is Sheryl Logan."

We continued,

"Hi, I'm {Dauntless Dater}." (Dauntless is not very Irish sounding, but the real one is straight from the Old Country).

Introductions led to instruction and shortly, to the end of class. Now was my chance to make eye contact with the thirty-something guy whose knees were shoved next to mine under the too-short science lab table. I smiled as we stacked our chairs. That's when he asked, "So, do you speak Gaelic?"

My head tilted 45 degrees as I argued with myself as to whether or not I heard him right, "Uhhh, no."

That was it. End of conversation. What the?

Isn't that like asking an Italian if she speaks Latin?

We Already Know You Like Sex

No need to mention it in your list of 'favorite things' on your profile. Also no need to mention that you are looking for someone else who likes sex. We know that too.

I have a little secret for you. Come in real close. Closer. Closer. That's good. Prepare yourself. This is ground-breadking stuff. Are you ready? Women like sex too!

If a woman told you she didn't like sex, all that means is that she didn't like sex with you.

Bet no chick's ever told LL Cool J she didn't like banging.