Whatthefuckdidhejustsay?

"I broke it off with her a month before the wedding."

Eyebrows raised I replied, "Really?"

"Yeah. It was an awful thing to do. I should have broken it off earlier, but it's better than if we had gotten married and then realized it was a mistake."

"Huh. So how did you finally decide to break it off?" (Hey, he went there. I was just following.)

"Well, I knew for a while that it wasn't going well. She was an anxious girl, not really my type. But, I had met her when I first moved here and we just kind of fell into a pattern. Anyway, it was actually her mom who nudged me into finally ending it."

"Really? That's weird. How did that happen?"

"Well, a few months earlier, I had become really close to her mom. See, her mom had been in a really horrible accident and was in the hospital for a month. I would visit her and help take care of her." Awww!

He continued, "We'd talk a lot while I was brushing her hair, clipping her nails, and bathing her..." Whatthefuckdidhejustsay?

I tried to listen to the rest of his story, but the vision of my hot date sponging off a middle-aged woman - whose daughter he saw naked on a regular basis - was so overwhelming, it effected my hearing ability. And although I missed the end of his tale, I assume it went something like this "Turns out, her mom was the one who was into me!"

Hey guys, don't bring up the time you sponge-bathed your girlfriend's mom. Duh.