Friday, July 25, 2008

Date A Cougar

Cougar Country isn't just for the wild wild west anymore, boys. It's all over this beautiful world. Here are the top ten reasons to become cougar* prey:

10. She ain't interested in marrying you, having your kids, or meetin your mama.

9. If you're pokey, she'll say, "This is the part when you kiss me."

8. She invented the back door boogie.

7. She's not afraid to tell you her real age.

6. She's not waiting for you to call.

5. She tells you what she wants, and she means it.

4. She looks damn good.

3. She doesn't much believe your bullshit, but she doesn't much care about it either.

2. She'll ask you if her shirt is in your way, then take it off.

1. She'll ask, "How old is the oldest woman you've been with?" When you answer, she'll laugh and say,"Well, we're changing that tonight, boy."

Date her. You won't be disappointed.

*An older woman

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

There Should Be Streamers

If being with someone is so much fun it makes you think, there should be streamers, well then, you might just be on to something my friend.

Monday, July 14, 2008


Your boys may be good, but I'd bet Mom's better.

My mom and I rented a table at my local yard sale a couple months ago. Always looking for an opportunity, I put on a skirt and some makeup. We set up about 7am and began selling our crap.

Moms, always in tune with the manhunt herself, kept an eye out for me, "How about that one?" She nodded her head in the direction of a young man.

"Hmmph." I shrugged, nonverbally dismissing him.

"{Dauntless}, what's wrong with him?"

"I dunno."

"Ok, how about him?" she asked again. She got the same reply.

Just at that moment, a truck full of firefighters pulled into a nearby cul-de-sac to 'show the kids around the fire truck' (otherwise known as turn on all women within 200 feet).

"Here we go." says Mom. "Go over there and talk to them."

"What? No way!" I replied, as if I don't have any experience at all in this dating world.

"Yes. They're right next to the food. Go over there, get yourself a hotdog and talk to them!"

"Ok," I grudgingly agreed, though I knew full well I would not be striking up any conversations.

When I returned with a hotdog and no firefighter, Mom was not pleased.

"You wimp."

When the firefighters decided to saunter past our table, I took the opportunity to drool while Mom took the opportunity to elbow me.

As they passed a second time, she tried humiliation, {Dauntless}, you're 30. You shouldn't be scared of boys. Go!"

Determined to make Mom proud, I stood up, chased them down (yes, there was some running involved), and invited them to our community happy hour. They accepted.

You can't beat a wingmom with a stick. Try her out guys.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008


Ever flip on the telly to your favorite show only to start watching and think, This looks familiar. Hey, I think I've seen this one before. I have. This is the one where the kid gets kidnapped and it turns out the stepdad did it to extort some money from mom. Damn reruns. Click.

Well, I'm having that same feeling, only I'm not watching tv, I'm on eharmony. And I came across a really cute guy I've been matched with. Mmm. He's hot. Wait, there's something familiar about this guy. His nose. I've seen that nose before.

Now, since I've been so-called 'channel surfing' for some time now, it's not out of the question that I'd come across the same profile every once in a while. But the more I looked at this guy, the more familiar he became. I wasn't that worried about it until I thought about starting communication with him. Oh Shit! What if I've gone out with him before??

I've watched quite a few shows while writing this blog and I honestly can't remember all of them. I'll probably still contact this guy (right after I publish this post - he is hot after all), and hopefully his memory is as shotty as mine. Besides, reduce, reuse, recycle, right?

I suppose us veterans should start taking notes on this dating thing.