Monday, July 02, 2007

Dating is Scary Enough...


without adding your own thrill seeking to the event. I found this out while on a rather boring date.

Mid-drink, I had to go to the ladies room. I politely excused myself, relieved that I had a break from hearing about my date's learning disabilities. I passed one out-of-order bathroom, and descended the stairs to visit the other ladies room. As I approached the narrow hallway encompassing a single ladies room and a single men's room, I saw the line. Three women waiting and zero men. Typical.

2 minutes pass...still three women in front of me.

3 minutes pass...woman number three decides she can hold it and drops out of line. Sweet. One man goes into his restroom.

5 minutes pass...first woman emerges from the restroom, now one stands between me and relief. Man comes out of his bathroom, comments, "This one's free." (Mental light bulb beams above Dauntless' head) This will add some excitement to the date.

I grin and shrug to the woman waiting in front of me and make a beeline for the men's room. Once inside, I decide I am crazy to do this in a restaurant/bar at 7:30 at night. After all, the patrons aren't even buzzing yet. My pulse quickens after I turn back to the door and push the lock. Nothing. Fuck! But I can't retreat now. I've made a commitment.

I hold the door shut with one foot as I squat and push my pee like I was Katherine Heigl. As the door handle begins to jingle, a bead of sweat forms on my forehead, but my foot holds firm and the jingling stops.

I quickly flush and wash, taking a second to wipe the sweat off my face. As I slink out of the bathroom, I give the shocked old man outside the door a sheepish grin, pass the ladies line (with the woman who was in front of me still crossing her legs in line), and head upstairs.

Realizing how many things could have gone wrong on my mini-adventure, I rejoin my date, patting my own back because I really got away with one this time.

A couple of minutes into our new conversation about home improvement, I bring my index finger and thumb about an inch apart to explain the size of the threshold between my kitchen and dining room. When I glance at my hand, I am horrified to realize it is shaking uncontrollably. I close my fist and try again. The hand seizure resumes.

My date raises his eyebrows at the recognition of my nerves, no doubt thinking his good looks and charm are to blame.

I can do nothing but put my hand back in my lap and say, "Anyway, the threshold is about an inch high." and make a mental note not to visit the men's room on my next date.

Men, may I recommend not using the ladies room on your next date?

5 comments:

Lost said...

LMAO!

I use the men's room ALL of the time when there is a ridiculous line or I really have to go.

Of course, I only use it when it's a one person bathroom....not when it's a multiple person one.

Sometimes I get surprised look. Most of the time, no one is there and the woman who was still online will then duck in.

I even find it CLEANER sometimes than the ladies room!

And really...WHAT THE HELL are some women doing in there so long??

Oh and I don't usually tell anyone that I've just used the mens room. Something things are just left to ourselves.

Mike said...

Oh yeah like I use the ladies room all the time just because I like standing on long lines. It's scary to know that women don't even know what other women are doing in there.

Constant Dater said...

All bets are off when it's a single-serving bathroom. I don't know why they bother designating them--whoever gets there first, I say.

Dating Trooper - Dating is Warfare said...

I have been known to commandeer the men's room in desperate situations. The only advantage to the crowd in women's restrooms is the conversation. I've heard some of the most classic things while tinkling in a stall. Particularly in bars with drunken girls reapplying makeup and strategizing their next move when the go back out into the jungle. When I was taking ethnography in grad school, I wanted to do a project based on this. But the thought of spending hours in a bar bathroom pretty much changed my mind....

CoatMan said...

I really don't understand this need to have separate lavatories in any case, if all the cubicles lock.