Wednesday, June 07, 2006

First Contact: The Mass Mailer

So you’re ready to send her an email. You’re trying to think of something witty and charming to say that will make you stand out. It isn’t coming to you. That’s ok. Give it time. Whatever you do, don’t become a Mass Mailer.

At this very moment, there are men out there who think they’ve got it all figured out. You can almost see them chillin’ by their computer...feet on the desk, arms behind their head...marveling at their own brilliance. They don’t need to be spending their time worrying about what to say in an email. They have single-handedly invented the latest and greatest fool-proof way to meet hundreds of women in one night (drum roll please)THE FORM LETTER. The Mass Mailer sends this highly generic letter to any woman within cyber reach. And as he revels in his glory, imagining himself the Albert Einstein of online dating, he fails to realize his inbox remains as empty as his bed.

Mass Mailer, you are no genius. We can smell that shit a mile away.

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