Thursday, September 20, 2007

Survey Says...


I could pull out my hair and throw my date-ready leopard print heels out the window. No need for them. I haven't had a date in weeks.

This is how it goes. He emails. I email. He emails. I email, et-fucking-cetera. And still there is no date. I wrote about how penpals piss me off a while ago, but the men in my inbox continue to pursue a clickity clack relationship.

Aiming my heel at the open window across the room, a thought suddenly occurred to me and I lowered the shoe in wide wonder. Could it be? Maybe, just maybe? Am I being impatient?

So dear readers, I'd like your help. Especially from any (the three) men who read my blog, how many emails need to go back and forth before you ask a girl out on a date?

16 comments:

kimberly said...

Well the few times I tried match, it was almost 3 weeks before the guy even asked me out, or I was at the point where I was comfortable meeting random guys. Then again, I always had those horror stories told to me repeatedly about meeting men on the internet.... but my experiences weren't that bad, yet it did take awhile.

Maybe it's their first time trying internet dating?? I know I wouldn't wait so long the next time I found someone interesting. Hope that helps!! Goodluck, you'll meet atleast one person who makes it worth using match!!

Trinity2 said...

Well, for me - since I can do the asking after initially meeting someone online and emailing back and forth I make it clear that I am not into an online relationship and that I am a better one-on-one person. Plus, that I do not have time to email all the time - I have a job, work, life, etc. So, I let it go for about a week and then I ask them out for coffee, a drink whatever. If they baulk then I get suspicious.

HomeImprovementNinja said...

IMHO, if you email too long, I think you will build unreasonable expectations in your head about how well the first date should go, which is bound to disapoint.

I think you should only email a few times (like 3-4) before taking it to the phone, then setting up a place to meet. I think that the most important thing is chemistry, and you can't really tell that from an email, you can only get that face to face, so why not get it over with instead of wasting your time with countless emails.

I have other thoughts on this, but I don't want to attach my name to it in cyberspace (but not for the reasons that you think). But feel free to contact me offline and I'll reveal the secrets of the temple.

jgo said...

Guy here... I think you might be impatient. Theres a negative stigma associated with a guy asking a girl out after one email exchange. Some women see that as guys who are just looking for sex. If you want to be bold, you could try emailing someone you have been corresponding with for a while back and say, "while I find all of this back and forth on email fun, I much prefer in person contact, so why dont you give me a call sometime, xxx-xxx-xxxx. -DD."

Any guy who doesnt call is either not really interested or is too much of a wuss to come out from behind the computer and you probably dont want him anyway.

Loverville said...

About 3-4 e-mails is about right.

Also, I think it's important to talk on the phone before agreeing to meet up. I've always found that if there's no phone connection, there's no in-person connection either.

J said...

2 weeks. That is all they get. If they have not asked me on a date by then I move on. It might be harsh but I want to date not spend my Saturday nights sat in front of my computer.

Marley said...

Another male opinion - I agree with whats said before - 4 each at most if they're quickfire. Probably less of longer ones. I guess it does depend a bit on the confidence of whoevers writing to you and what they're looking for, but at least find out why they don't want to meet up - that might tell you more. Definitely agree with the comment about building up expectations if all you have are words...

The Dauntless Dater said...

Thanks everyone for your advice!

It seems like I have been a little impatient in that it's only been 4 emails tops, but, I'm using a certain unnamed website (eharmony)that takes for-EVER just to get to the email stage. So, it's been a bit of a pain in the ass. But, I'm going to give it one more email then take jgo's advice of giving out my number (even though I dislike using the phone even to call the pizza guy). I'll keep you posted.

And Ninja, sounds like you're trying to trick me into meeting you, no?

Dauntless

HomeImprovementNinja said...

Dauntless: not at all, if I wanted to meet up, I would just say so. You seem like someone who would be fun to talk to, but my plate is pretty full datingwise.

Lost said...

I'm in agreement with most people on this one. Jgo, I think gave good advice. I think if you think you are interested in meeting the guy after 3-4 interactions and he's not making the effort, saying the whole, "this is great -- but meeting might be cool" bit is worth it. If he doesn't respond or gets wishy-washy after you throw the hint out there....I say, "NEXT".

But, I also think it depends on the person. I've been given advice that emailing too much is no good. To each their own, hence why online dating is becoming a pain in the ass -- there are no rules (like there are none in just dating - but we WANT there to be some) and everyone just does what works for them and we cast away at will.

I say -- try different approaches with different guys -- experiment. What's there to lose, right?

Sarah said...

I read that it should take 3 e-mails. Move on if it takes any longer.

MisstressM said...

i have to have those shoes.

The Dauntless Dater said...

Thanks again everyone. Lost, good point. Different strokes for different folks. Misstressm, pretty fun, huh? Ninja, maybe you should be giving me some pointers on keeping that dating plate full!

CoatMan said...

What is the optimum number of e-mails before first asking out on a date?

HomeImprovementNinja said...

Hey! Would you consider a guest post from me? If so, drop me a line.

Robert said...

This will always depend on the guyz confidence level. As mentioned, there are those who hide behind their keyboard, and those who are bold enough to set a date. A couple of emails is normal, weeks of it makes you a penpal!